Chuck vs the iPod Playlist
by crystal.elements
Summary: Drabbles based on the random music I find on my iPod. Charah. Chapter 4: Addiction, Chuck's PoV. Sometimes an addiction shows up when you least expect it.
1. Sarah Reflection

_Welcome to my new television obsession! Hopefully ironic coincidence doesn't stamp its approval on the "Hey, let's cancel/end ANOTHER show right when Crystal gets into it" papers, because Chuck is much too good to go to waste, especially after the spectacular season finale we were given. _

_Anyways, just trying to get a feel of the characters before I attempt to chuck some stories out this summer break (pun intended). I figured I could give you all a taste of the various random, eccentric, and downright amusing music I listen to. I should be embarrassed, but for some reason I'm not. Yay me!_

_Disclaimer: Don't own Chuck. A third season would be awesome, though._

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**Chuck Versus the iPod Playlist**

_Drabbles by crystalelements_

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**Reflection – Christina Aguilera**

**Sarah's PoV**

_Who is that girl I see_

_Staring straight back at me_

_When will my reflection show_

_Who I am inside_

She brushes on the final touches of her makeup, rechecks her hair, adjusts the slim blue straps on her shoulders. The beauty in the mirror stares back at her wordlessly; she knows, without a doubt, that the eyes of every single man will be preying on her tonight. A small, bitter smile appears on her lips, and without another glance she turns towards the door, purse in hand.

The mission is almost too easy – she barely has to bat an eyelash before the target melts into the palm of her hand. She's painfully aware of another set of eyes watching her as she pulls him into the elevator. Stomping down the conflicting emotions already bubbling to the surface, she instead focuses her attention on the lovesick puppy in front of her, whispering sultry words that make him fall back against the wall for support.

They don't even make it to the bed. She has him disarmed the moment they step through the door, and Casey steps out from behind the curtains, a gun pointed at the his head. The target is taken into custody for questioning, the stolen government blueprints recovered. Mission accomplished.

The ride back to Casa Bartowski is silent, and before he opens the door, Chuck turns to her and offers an agonizingly forced smile.

"You did..." The smile flickers for the briefest of moments - "You did great tonight, Sarah."

He holds her gaze for only a split second longer, but then again, that's all it really takes. The pain, understanding, and pure longing are all clashing together in the chocolate pools of his eyes, and once again she sees her reflection staring back at her, mocking them both with the reality they can never have. Chuck quickly turns away and mumbles a soft goodnight, walking into the apartment complex and leaving her with the distinct feeling of knives twisting into her chest.

She's always known the consequences of working for the government, for serving her country at her own expense. But, once again, as she stares resentfully at the beautiful-yet-deadly CIA agent in the mirror, Sarah Walker wonders just how much more of this she can take before the mask she's forced to wear breaks her completely.

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_Feedback is appreciated! I know this was a short one, but your reviews always help me improve. :)_


	2. Chuck More Than Words

_Thank you for the whopping TWO reviews! Haha, no, seriously, for those of you who took the time to review, I really appreciate it. I know I'm not known at all in the Chuck fandom, so it means a lot to me. :)_

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**Chuck Versus the iPod Playlist**

_Drabbles by crystalelements_

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**More Than Words – Extreme**

**Chuck's PoV**

_More than words_

_Is all you have to do to make it real_

_Then you wouldn't have to say_

_That you love me_

_Cause I'd already know_

He awakens to a strange warmth in his chest and the most delicious scent of lavender, which is definitely odd, given the fact that he doesn't actually know what lavenders smell like. He gets as far as cracking one eye open before it hits him all at once – his father's location, the lies woven by the government, Sarah throwing away her career and taking him on the run, the motel, the bed, the blonde tresses cascading over her shoulders as she laid down next to him, and _holy crap_, it's _her_ who smells like lavender, sound asleep in _his_ arms _right now_ –

Chuck rapidly blinks away the sleep from his eyes in shock. He lifts his head to stare at the hand she's currently caressing, and that's all it takes for his thought process to crash and burn. Suddenly, all his pent up emotions and frustrations explode to the surface. Nothing can stop him from leaning in and pressing his lips to the silky smooth curve of her neck –

Except Sarah chooses that exact moment to wake up, and Chuck suddenly finds himself in one of the most intimately awkward positions of his life, both figuratively and literally speaking. Their eyes lock instantly. He somehow finds it ironic that he's landed himself in this situation at what is probably the worst possible time; they're running away from the _government_, for God's sake, and for once Chuck actually thinks that maybe being professional with his handler is the best way to keep them both alive right now.

But then Sarah's eyes flicker down to his lips, and just like that, all rational thoughts fly out the window. Chuck counts about three seconds – the longest three seconds of his life – before the sexual tension between them dissolves into the most passionate chaos he's ever experienced. She's everywhere and everything. What floors him the most, though, is that she's kissing him _back_, as if she's been waiting for this moment as long as he has, as if she really does feel the same way about him like he's always hoped…

He needs to be sure. More than anything, he needs some sort of clarification. It takes sheer willpower to pull away from her, but Chuck abruptly breaks the heated kiss and holds himself steady, waiting.

The moment Sarah fixes her stormy blue eyes on his, he sees it all. The desperate desire in her eyes is unmistakable, her breathing ragged from the sudden loss of contact. No words, no explanations. For the first time ever, he's broken down the walls of Agent Walker and finally confirms what he's been waiting for all this time –

She _wants_ this.

The smile that appears threatens to split his face in half, and without hesitation he leans down to capture her lips again. She does even better by meeting him halfway, cupping a hand to his face. This is real, this is actually happening – no more covers, no more lies, just Chuck and Sarah, _finally_. She doesn't need to say "I love you", doesn't need an explanation. Who has time for words, anyway?

"D...don't move…don't move…"

"Okay."

Oh, hell, scratch that. That's gotta be the sexiest thing he's ever heard her say.

This is going to be _amazing._

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_This scene has probably been analyzed a hundred different ways by now, but we just can't get enough of it, can we? I sure can't. Anyways, hope you all liked my interpretation of the Charah lovin'. _


	3. Sarah So Close

_ONE WORD. RENEWED._

_Unfortunately, we'll have to wait until March of next year to see those episodes, but on the bright side, it's better than nothing, right? Right. Until then, keep yourselves occupied by rewatching episodes and reading some good 'ol fashioned fanfiction! I know that's what I'll be doing for the next ten months._

_Disclaimer: Happy there's a third season, but it's still not mine. Boo._

_

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**Chuck Versus the iPod Playlist**

_Drabbles by crystalelements_

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**So Close – Jon McLaughlin**

**Sarah's PoV**

_We're so close to reaching that famous happy end_

_Almost believing this was not pretend_

_Let's go on dreaming, though we know we are_

_So close, and still so far_

3 hours.

That's how long it takes before Sarah Walker's life – on the brink of becoming almost _normal_, for the first time in almost two decades – crumbles to pieces, back into the black hole known as the CIA. In a sickening twist of fate, the verdict comes in the form of three words she never thought she'd hear in this particular context ever again:

"He _uploaded_ it."

Yes, Bryce is dead. She's still reeling from the shock and despair of seeing her ex-lover slumped against the walls, ice blue eyes unblinking and hauntingly empty. Despite the fact that she no longer has feelings for her former partner, she still considered him a dear friend, and the last thing Sarah wants is for Bryce to be taken and…_dissected_…by these so-called "spies".

And yes, this new group is a threat, one that opens up a whole new world of danger. They'd been dealing with Fulcrum all this time, not once realizing that the organization was just a small part of the whole – yet another group with motives they know nothing about. It's enough to put any agency on high alert.

At this point, though, only one thing is exceptionally, horribly clear in Sarah's mind –

Chuck _re-uploaded _that godforsaken Intersect. And, if memory serves her correctly, that is _not_ supposed to happen.

Three hours and three words later, after making one of the biggest decisions of her career, Sarah Walker now finds herself right back in the screwed up, governmental mess that is – and apparently always will be – her life.

"Kill him."

Her eyes instantly snap back into focus at Miles' chilling command. Before she can even begin to register what's going on, though, a number of things happen at once – Chuck throws out his arms with a yell, and suddenly the weapons of every agent surrounding him are soaring through the air; a split second of shock, then all hell breaks loose.

It takes a moment for Sarah to realize that it's _Chuck_ dodging attacks and throwing out punches and kicks as if he'd been doing it for years. _Chuck_, who usually trips over his own two feet during missions and has never taken martial arts lessons in his life. She can only stare in numb disbelief as the nerd – though not so much at the moment – proceeds to take down every single agent in the room in record time. His final kick sends Miles into the wall with a resounding _crack_; the leader of the defeated group slumps to the ground, unconscious, and the only sounds left in the confined room are Chuck's ragged breaths.

Sarah's mind is racing at a thousand miles a second, emotions finally reaching their breaking point. This is too much to handle – he wasn't supposed to upload it again, he wasn't supposed to be the goddamn _hero_, no matter what she had said to him before! She was going to give it all up – her job, the only life she's ever known, all the covers and lies and excuses – _everything_, just to be with him, to give him the normal life he's always wanted, and now it's all gone to waste, this is so wrong, she'd been so _close_, if only she'd told him, this was all her fault, all his fault, all the government's fault for throwing them into this messed up, Secret Agent World full of complexities and regulations and deceit, and seriously, what the hell was _that_ just now?!

She summarizes the onslaught of thoughts into one unnaturally high-pitched question:

"_Chuck?_"

Chuck lowers his stance – his _stance_, for God's sake – and fixes them with a nervous, bewildered stare.

"Guys…I know kung fu."

Three goddamned _hours_.

Goodbye, normality. It was nice while it lasted.

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_I thought about continuing past the actual end of the episode, but it seemed better to end it right here. Plus, this was starting to sound a little too similar to Lyralocke's version, and I don't want her thinking I took her ideas. Sorry, Lyra!_

_Review, review, review! :)_


	4. Chuck Addiction

_So I have to confess - before today, I've never heard this song in my life. This time around, I had the idea first and just found a song to go along with it. And it fits perfectly, whoo!_

_Apparently ideas come better when I'm in a funky mood. Not sure if that's a good thing or not, but I'll take whatever I get._

* * *

**Chuck Versus the iPod Playlist**

_Drabbles by crystalelements_

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**Addiction – Ryan Leslie**

**Chuck's PoV**

_It started off with a kiss_

_Never expectin' this_

_And now I'm here copin' with_

_My addiction_

He's never experienced anything like it before, which is why he doesn't recognize the signs at first. It starts off innocently enough: his eyes linger a little longer than necessary, his attentiveness a little sharper than usual. She _is _a beautiful woman, after all – his faux girlfriend, no less – so he figures these new tendencies are perfectly normal, not to mention good for the cover.

Soon, though, he finds himself taking notice of the smaller, insignificant quirks. Her dislike of olives, for instance, or her penchant for medium-rare burgers with extra pickles, or her guilty pleasure of chocolate croissants. Her blue eyes cloud over whenever she's bored out of her mind; it usually happens during her shifts at the Orange Orange, if the tiny holes in the wall adjacent to the counter are any indication. She loves clothes like any other woman – looks amazing in any outfit she wears, really – and he's fairly certain that her favorite color is red (though why she hasn't worn it as of late, he has no idea). He can differentiate between her fake, high pitched giggles and her genuine oh-my-god-that's-actually-hilarious laughs. For the most part, he can decipher her moods by the subtlest changes in her expression. He may not know anything about her past, but he's sure he knows much more about her _now _than he lets on.

For someone who's never been comfortable with any form of PDA, he's surprised when he suddenly finds himself longing for the next tender touch; that special hug, snuggle, or kiss reserved just for him, even if it _is_ just for cover. He loses himself in those moments; pretends, _hopes_, that maybe there's just a bit of realness behind those lingering touches and shy smiles. He loves being around her, whether it's during a mission (as if he'd actually stay in the car) or in the comfort in his own living room (he swears she can recite multiple episodes of Doctor Who word for word…and he knows that she's proud of it, too).

Soon, he can't imagine a day without her in it. She's his best friend, his partner-in-crime (or against it, if you wanted to get technical), and the love of his life. She's the first person he thinks of when he wakes up, and the last person on his mind before he drifts off to sleep. He craves to learn everything about her, memorize her ever feature, drink up her every word. She isn't just a part of his life – she _is_ his life.

It's precisely because of this that his heart rips to pieces when he hears her utter those agonizing yet inevitable words:

"Chuck, I'm leaving in the morning."

Of course he knew it would happen. Project Bartowski's been over for nearly two days; her reassignment is unavoidable. He just never thought it'd be so soon. That it's with Bryce, of all people, makes it even more unbearable – after everything his college roommate has put him through in the past two years, he doesn't know why he's surprised that yet another chunk of his life has been snatched away by the guy.

The (second) wedding is incredibly bittersweet. The looks she's giving him are almost identical to the ones Ellie is giving Devon, and if he doesn't know any better he'd swear that she's made the decision to stay after all. He crushes the thought before it materializes even further (and takes his rationality with it). Ellie and Devon seal their marriage with a kiss; he bursts into applause that feels a little too enthusiastic, a little too forced. The reason stands across from him, that same, undecipherable smile on her face.

As happy as he is for his sister and brother-in-law, he can't help but feel resentment for the couple – it's just another pinnacle of the happy life he so desperately wants but can never have.

When he makes that irreversible decision and places his hand atop the Intersect's activation screen, it's not because he's recognized his full potential as a government asset. It's not because of some renewed sense of duty caused by Bryce's death, and it's certainly not because he realizes that he can never have a normal life.

It's because of _her_ – always has been, always will be. He's doing this for her, and as selfish as that seems, there is just no way he can live without her; he doesn't fully understand it, but deep in his heart he knows that it's true.

He stumbles into his bedroom now, collapsing onto the bed face first as the oncoming headache threatens to split his head open (metaphorically, of course). The new Intersect is untested, unfamiliar, and much more powerful – he has the unfortunate luck of reaping the consequences. No one, not even his father, has any idea how to fix these painful side-effects. And the headache is nothing compared to his muscles, which are currently screaming in protest. Intersect 2.0 may give him awesome temporary kung-fu powers (among other useful abilities), but his body sure isn't capable of sustaining them. His head begins a steady throb, and not for the first time, he wonders why the hell he decided to re-upload this goddamned computer into his brain.

The answer comes to him almost instantaneously. He senses her before he raises his head from the pillow, before she even knocks on the door. Her blonde hair tumbles over her shoulders as she peeks in; one hand holds a bottle of Ibuprofen, the other clutching a plastic bag.

"Ellie let me in," She says unnecessarily, shutting the door behind her and sitting at the edge of his bed. "How are you feeling?"

He can see the different emotions swirling in her cobalt eyes: concern, hesitation, sadness, compassion, and a little bit of something else he can't seem to put his finger on. Blaming it on the headache, he replies, "Other than the distinct feeling of hammers pounding away at my entire body? Pretty darn peachy, especially if you've got some snacks and Star Wars waiting for me in that bag of yours."

The brilliant smile he's come to know and love slowly creeps onto her face, and suddenly he's drowning. He's still an asset, she's still his handler, they're still miles away from a real relationship, and it's the most frustrating thing he's ever dealt with in his entire life. He's sick of so many things: the government, the secrets, the lies, the _Intersect._

But despite everything he's been through these past two years, nothing compares to the way he feels right now as he looks at the woman in front of him. She's _everything_, and yet he can't seem to get enough of her.

All his life, he's never understood why people get hooked to things like smoking, drugs, or alcohol; the thought of slowly killing himself with such horrible habits repulses him. So of course, it's completely typical that life chooses this particular moment for Chuck Bartowski to finally understand the true meaning of having an addiction.

The rustling of a plastic bag jerks him out of his thoughts, and he quickly scrambles into a sitting position as she drops the DVD into the player and settles on the bed flush up against him. There isn't even a need for the cover, is there…? The thought vaguely registers in his mind before she shifts and holds out the pain medicine.

"Here, for the body aches. It should help a little bit."

He blinks. "What body aches?"

Oh, he's absolutely certain that an addiction like Sarah Walker is downright impossible to break.

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_My gosh, I'm actually quite happy with this one! How about you? _


End file.
